Infatuation

I hate my body. I really do. Not that that is all too surprising when coming from a woman in her late 20s in America. Here's the surprising part: I love taking pictures of myself. I don't mean naughty naked pictures or anything... Just pictures of my face, mostly. Sometimes my feet. And I am always taken aback at how much I like the way I look in these pictures. I don't like the way I end up looking in pictures taken by others. But self portraits are an entirely different story.

I have been known (and this is embarrassing) to spend hours at a time with my little sessions. I refer to them (mostly to myself) as my "cam-whore" sessions. And they are. I play to the camera, I make love to the camera. I always get good results. So the question is, how is it possible that these pictures that I take of myself inevitably make me feel beautiful, while pictures taken by others only re-enforce my physical self-loathing? (Emphasis on the physical. There is a whole other set of stuff that re-enforces my emotional self loathing.)

If only I could transfer that feel good feeling that comes from a successful "cam-whore" session to the rest of my life.